It’s 3 a.m. and here I sit again. Insomnia. I never used to have insomnia. In fact, I love to sleep. I love to nap, though napping is tricky when you’re a Mom. The last couple of years have been my first experience with trouble sleeping at night.
It’s partly because I’m a night-owl. I love it when the house is asleep and everything is still. No chance of the phone ringing or people coming to the door. Just silence. I love just listening to the peaceful silence.
But with the silence comes my thoughts. I start thinking. About. Everything. I have a list. The things I worry about. The things I am so grateful for. I usually take this quiet time to pray. I often think that God must cringe when I say my prayers because I do go on. I know that’s ridiculous. He is perfect and merciful. He loves me and all my detail-oriented babble. And so I pray. I go through my list. The things that I’m afraid of, the things that I pray won’t happen, the problems that are too big for me to handle on my own. I pray for our President, Vice President and their families. That God will keep them safe and give them wisdom. That He will bring them ever closer to Him throughout their time in the White House. I pray for the safety and health of my children and my husband. I pray for my Mother and loved ones in our lives. I pray about the pain I feel from those who have turned their backs on me over the years. I pray for the things I don’t understand. I pray about whatever is on my heart and I am always so grateful that I have my Heavenly Father to turn to whenever I need Him. The older I get the more I realize how impossible this life would be to get through without Him.
I always remember to thank Him for my blessings. My wonderful husband and our beautiful children. He knows just what we need in our lives. When painful things happen, he fills the void with peace and grace. It’s really quite amazing and in these quiet nights, when it seems I am the only one awake in the world, I think of these things.
If you’re still with me, you might be asking, “Sister, why are you rambling about all of this stuff?” Well, because that’s kind of who I am. I feel things deeply. I talk too much. I overthink everything. I cry at the drop of a hat and I laugh my butt off. Those I love, I love fiercely. I’m loyal and sometimes too truthful. I’m just me. The reason I’m telling you all of this (if you’re still reading) is simply because I want you to know you are not alone. We all have fears, hurts and worries. We all have things that we don’t want other people to know about. Maybe it’s something from your past that you are ashamed of, or an illness or disability you hide from the world. Everyone has something. Everyone feels pain and sadness over a lifetime of experiences. Everyone feels joy and gratitude.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’re all human. Children of God. We’re all sinners, saved by Grace through Jesus Christ. Life isn’t always easy. So when you are feeling lost in your thoughts, or up in the night worrying about problems you think are unsolvable… just remember that God is right there with you. Talk to Him and share your heart. He loves us so much. He knows us better than we know ourselves and He has a plan for each and every one of us. Just reach out to Him.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
And with that I shall bid you a good-night. ~~ Sister Patriot
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